Dear TV,
You may have noticed me watching you more than usual lately. It's true. I've been drawn to you, your flickering lights and bright colors, the laughter and excitement you boom out into the room.
I feel that our relationship is deepening, that we are getting closer. Each day I understand you a little bit better, and you understand me better, too. I can tell, because you give me more of what I want. Like The Surreal Life with Tammy Faye and Erik Estrada and Vanilla Ice. That was really great.
Sometimes, when I come home and you're not on, the house feels so empty that I ache and I reach for the remote. I reach for the remote and I turn you on. You are so easy to turn on with just one touch, just one gentle touch.
I admit, I go through phases sometimes, and I don't like you. No, sometimes I don't like you at all. You can make me feel bad. You and Andrew stay up late, laughing together, while I lie in bed with the blankets pulled up to my chin, watching your flickering light play across the bedroom wall. It's just like all those hours my dad spent with you after the rest of us had gone to bed. I used to hear your voices every night filtering up through the bedroom floor from downstairs. Always so loud.
There's one thing you should know, TV. You can be too predictable. I mean, there's comfort in that, and that's where you get some of your charm, but it can also be taken too far. If I could make a suggestion, and please don't be offended, it would be to branch out a little bit more, try something really new. Take some clues from Richard Brautigan novels.
Okay, enough with the constructive criticism.
I have an idea I've been meaning to discuss with you. You know that show—Extreme Makeover? Well, what do you think about a SUPER Extreme Makeover show? There could be an episode where a beautiful woman gets hair implants all over her body. And an episode where a normal guy gets his ears and nose and chin enlarged to Star Trekkian proportions. And an episode where some impressionable kid gets massively brainwashed and undergoes a radical personality change.
Think about it, okay?
Okay, then. See you tonight.
Your pal,
Norene
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